Broken Promises
by Doomed To Be Seme AND Uke
Summary: It's been a year since they broke up with their lovers. How will they cope with the feeling of anguish, misery and betrayal? Proshipping, Angelshipping and Spiritshipping! That's it. Read and Review please!
1. Keep the Promise?

**Author-** ME!

**Anime-** Yugioh GX

**A.N.-** I decided to make a story of all the feelings and emotions the GX boys are feeling after their whole ordeal with the Dark World and the Darkness taking over the school. I'm only making the chapters about the characters I like. Menaing don't flame me saying that I missed someone. I know I did; I just choose not to write about them. So don't be stupid and flame me about not writing about Misawa or something xD!!

_Italics- Judai's POV  
**Bold- Johan talking**_

**Chapter 1-** **Keep the Promise?**

**Judai's POV**

_Why am I such an idiot? Why do I have to act like this? Why did I have to make a choice like this? I've done so many mistakes but now…I've made the biggest mistake of all. The worst mistake anyone could have done._

Judai Yuki looked up at the sky; the cool breeze blowing through his chocolate colored strands of hair. His eyes were filled with anguish; filled with the feeling of betrayal. He knows what he has done. The worst part is now he has to deal with it without totally feeling worst about himself. The last year at Duel Academia was supposed to be filled with happiness and having fun with you friends; making promises that might not be kept at the end but serve as a comfort. Having high school sweethearts; going through that relationship for the last time that year. Sneaking quick sweet kisses with each other; savoring the sweet taste of your lover.

_I had to leave. I'm not good enough for everyone. I don't deserve to be their friend. I-I don't. Even if I wanted to come back…I-I can't…How can I show myself in front of everyone. I betrayed them before in the Dark World; now I ran away from them without a simple goodbye. They must…fucking HATE me. Why wouldn't they. They said it before. All I do is cause problems; all I do is get them into trouble and hurt them. W-Why…does it have to be like this..?_

Judai leaned against the tree but hung his head with his brown locks covering his eyes. He made sobbing noises but tried holding in the tears that were just about to fall. This year was filled with many mixed feelings (feelings of confusion, love, misery). The whole ordeal with Yusuke and the Darkness; abducting everyone and making every one think that they will be left behind. Judai did save everyone and everyone did make promises; everyone except Judai.

_I always thought that…I can't help them. I used to act as if nothing bad will ever happen. Nothing bad will ever happen to THEM; however, it happened. The got hurt countless times and every single time was due to my stupidity and immaturity. I've hurt them…They died before…because of my dense personality. Every tear that fell down their faces…was because of me. Especially in the Dark World and especially in their last year of high school…where…everyone was supposed to be happy. But I couldn't do that for them. I couldn't even do that for…Johan._

Judai stood up and clenched his fists tightly. He felt so terrible. He felt like nothing in this world can help heal the mistakes he did. Especially to his boyfri-…his ex boyfriend. After Judai came back from the Dark world he walked up to Johan; his expression showing no emotion. He blankly and coldly told Johan that he didn't want to be with him; told him that he has other promises he had to keep. He has to love someone else; and it wasn't going to be him. Judai apologized and just told him to forget him; to act as if nothing special has ever happened between them.

_I remember the look on his face when I told him straight-forward. He still had that happy smile and gave me the same look as if he loved me. But I knew something was different. I knew he wasn't the same after that. His beautiful pastel eyes didn't have the happy sparkle it always had. His eyes showed no emotion; not hurt, not love, nothing. A complete opposite of what his expression showed. He was still smiling down at me._

As Judai was reminiscing fresh tears were forming in his eyes; the eyes that had always showed no emotion. For the first time in weeks (even months) he showed emotion; even if the emotion was misery. In that moment Johan placed his hand upon Judai's soft cheek and smiled lovingly (his eyes having no sparkle). He remembered the exact words that Johan said.

_**Judai-chan…No matter what you say or go through I'm always going to love you. I'm happy that you're going to have someone you love. Maybe they can do what I couldn't. I thought I loved you enough but…I guess you didn't want that. I'm sorry Juuchan. I hope we can still stay best friends.**_

Judai's eyes widened and covered his ears as if he wanted to block out the flashback that was playing in his head. He fell to his knees and started whimpering. Tears were falling down his face as more were forming in his eyes.

_Why did Johan say that? I hurt him…I hurt him so badly and in the worst way. Why did he forgive me so easily? W-Why? J-Johan…no…_

_**I-I know you loved me before…I'm sorry you got sick of me so fast. But it was fun while it lasted. Maybe…maybe we can be together again and I can try and make you happier than I did before. But next time Juuchan I want to know what I did wrong so I can make sure I don't do it again.**_

_J-Johan…W-Why did you forgive me so easily!! Why did you have to apologize? You didn't do anything wrong! You didn't hurt me; I was the one who hurt you and you still apologized!!_

The thing is; this happened twice. After the duel with Darkness, Johan walked up to Judai smiling down at him; a smile Judai knew he didn't deserve. He told Judai that he was glad that he was ok and that he was happy to see him again so suddenly. In that moment Johan brushed a strand of hair out of Judai's face and whispered the few small words that Judai didn't want to hear.

_**Juuchan…I still love you…**_

In that moment, Judai glared and smacked Johan's hand away. He said that he didn't love him to begin with; that he didn't love him now. He told him that he didn't want to deal with him anymore and that he didn't need to hear those words.

_I told him to forget me and move on. I told him to stop loving me; there's no hope for us. I even told the exact opposite of what I felt. I told him that I…hated him. But…the thing is; he didn't even wince when I said those words. He still showed me that loving expression he's been giving me for so long. Even at a moment like that, he still showed love for me. _

Judai covered his face quickly trying to wipe the tears that were falling down his face; instead more tears trailed down his cheeks. The words Johan said after Judai said that…were words that amazed Judai himself.

_**Judai-chan, I know you don't love me anymore and I know I can't do anything to make you come back. I just wanted to let you know that I still love you and that…no matter what you can always still go to me whenever you need someone. That's all!!**_

_Johan…I can't go back to you. I can't…Especially after everything I said to you; everything I said._

Judai stood up with his hair still covering his now blank expression (but tears still forming). He turned around and started walking away; Johan's voice still echoing in his mind.

_I can't deny it any longer. I still love him. I still am IN love with him. I can never forget him…But if I go back now…I'm afraid he'd forget me…Johan-koi…I love you…_

**Flashback**

"Johan-kun I love you so much" Judai said happily hugging Johan tightly. Johan smiled and laughed cutely while wrapping his arms around him. "I love you more!!" Johan replied smiling happily. "I love you more than rainbows Juuchan!!" Johan said excitely and lifting his smaller boyfriend against his chest. Judai's eyes glistened and giggled.

"Johan-kun, promise me something?" Judai said his innocent eyes looking up at him. Johan blinked and patted him on the head. "Yes Juuchan, I'd promise you anything" Judai smiled and blushed. He knew his boyfriend would promise him anything; even the world if possible but with Johan anything is possible!!

"Promise me we'd be together forever; that we would always be best friends and even more!!" Judai said smiling happily. Johan's eyes lit up and giggled holding Judai's face. "I promise Juuchan. No matter what we'd always be friends!! I always love you...Never forget that" and with that statement Johan made; they shared one light kiss sealing their promise.

**Flashback End**

_I just wish I kept the promise Johan-kun…even when you kept yours…_

**OWARI**

**That's the first chapter...Hope you enjoyed it!!**


	2. Faded Smile

It was a beautiful sunny day; where the clouds looks like cotton candy, the sky was as blue as it can be

**Author**- Me

**Anime-** Yugioh GX

**Disclaimer-** I forgot to write a disclaimer for the first chapter but yea I count that twice now. I DO NOT OWN YUGIOH GX!! IF I DID THE BOYS WOULD NOT BE WEEARING THOSE DAMN UNIFORMS!!

**A.N-** Chapter 2 is up ALREADY!! YAYES!!

**Bold**- Judai talking  
_Italics_- Johan's POV

**Chapter 2- Faded Smile**

It was a beautiful sunny day; where the clouds looks like cotton candy, the sky was as blue as it can be. The day was so calm and the only sound you can hear is the soothing sound of the wind blowing against the trees; trees that held many beautiful flowers (petals floating everywhere beautifully). A perfect day; but for Johan he felt the complete opposite. Johan Anderson sat on the bench, a pretty smile on his expression, looking up at the pretty fluffy clouds; trying to imagine what they look like.

_That cloud looks like a bunny…And that cloud looks like a flower. It's so pretty. Today everything seems so perfect and beautiful. Oh, and that cloud looks like…a heart._

Johan stared at the cloud closely. It was in the shape of a perfect heart; nothing to get in its way; nothing or no one to disturb it or break it. Johan's eyes were glistening up at the sky then hung his head low; covering his smiling expression.

_It's in the shape of a heart. That's so pretty. I-I wish the whole sky had clouds that were shaped in hearts. And the hearts would never disappear o-or break._

It's been about 5 months since he had that experience with Judai and their duel with Yusuke; but almost a year since they broke up. Johan didn't want to feel any pain in his heart; he didn't want to shed tears. Johan was a boy who would always be the optimistic one. He was always the one to look at the bright side; always be the one in the group to smile and make everyone else smile. However, right now Johan couldn't be the one to make himself happy.

_I wish everyone would have their heart complete like this. I wish everyone would find the ones they love and be with them forever. No one would break up with anyone…a-and make each other sad…N-No one would cry. _

Johan kept his head hung low; as he clutched his chest, wondering what this feeling was and how to stop it. It was a feeling Johan was not accustomed to. He didn't like it; the feeling felt like pain. The feeling felt like something he'd never want anyone to feel. When Judai broke up with him, he felt the same feeling; however the pain in his heart increased. It was a shock to Johan when Judai broke up with him in such cold words. He thought that he and Judai were perfect for each other. Johan thought that Judai was the reason why he was always so happy.

_No…Judai WAS the reason why I always smiled. I've never been so happy before I met Judai. He seemed so happy too; so childish and so carefree. I know he broke up with me; I don't even know why. I want to know what I did so I don't have to do it again._

Johan tried to keep a smile on his face when Judai broke up with him. He wanted to try and keep that smile on his face; the same smile that he gave Judai after he said "I love you". At that very moment, so long ago, Judai glared at Johan and clung to his shirt. Johan can never forget the words that escaped Judai's lips.

**Johan-kun, stop smiling. Now is NOT the time to smile. You're being stupid. I-I told you already. I don't want to be with you; I don't want to have anything to do with you. W-Why do you keep smiling? Why can't you stop? S-Stop!!**

In that moment Judai slapped Johan in the face; trying by all means to wipe that smile off Johan's face. Johan remained looking down at that moment; trying to not shed a tear down his smiling face. The word kept ringing in Johan's mind.

**W-Why?**

_Because I didn't want to show you what I really felt. I didn't want to stop smiling for you Juuchan. I didn't want to show you my weakness. I wanted to be strong for you. I wanted to show you that I…still love you. I-I wanted you to always know._

Johan covered his face with his hands; whimpering sounds escaping his fingers. Johan tried to cover the noises that escaped his lips. He leaned against the bench; his locks still covering his eyes. Johan always wanted Judai by his side. He always wanted to be Judai's boyfriend. He wanted nothing but a smile on Judai's face. However, at that moment Johan saw the opposite. Johan saw hurt and misery in his eyes; an expression that Johan would hope to never see in Judai's beautiful chestnut eyes.

_J-Judai-chan…I-I failed to make you happy. I failed to be the strong person you always wanted to be with. I never wanted a hurt expression to show in your eyes b-but at that moment…that's all I can see. I didn't make you happy. I'm sorry. S-So sorry._

At that moment Johan apologized; apologized for not being the perfect boyfriend Judai needed. Johan apologized for not being the strong enough person to take care of him or make him happy. Johan felt that he failed the only person he wanted to fall in love with. Judai glared up Johan and cried into his shirt. He said the more sentences that Johan never forgot.

**S-Stop apologizing. You didn't do anything wrong. I-It was me…I'm the one who hurt you. I'm the one who doesn't want you. I-I can't want you because I don't deserve to have you. I want you to forget…forget everything we had together…forget everything we said…e-every kissy we shared. Please forget.**

At the moment Johan held Judai's face and wiped away the tears that fell down Judai's cheeks; tears Johan never wanted to form in Judai's "innocent" eyes. Johan held Judai's face and said the three words Judai desperately wanted to hear (desperately didn't want to hear).

_I love you…I still love you Juuchan. I can never stop loving you…E-Even when…you broke…my heart. I-I can't. You still make me happy. You're still in my heart; even when my heart feels broken, you'll never disappear._

Johan's eyes were filled with tears. He never felt tears in his pastel green eyes before. He never cried; even at the times that Johan COULD cry. But at the every moment Johan would never cry. Johan quickly tried wiping his tears away; however more tears escaped his eyes. He still doesn't know why Judai broke up with him. He wanted to know what mistakes he made so he could correct them. Correct them for Judai.

_I-I want to know what I did Juuchan. I want to know what made you hate me. I want to know why you don't want to be with me anymore. I'm sorry; but I don't know why. I-I wish you told me. I would make my mistakes right so you can give me another chance._

Johan continued sobbing; tears staining his jeans and his shirt. Judai's name escaped his lips along with the word "Why?" Why did Judai break up with him? What did Johan do? How can he correct it?

_Why do I feel like this..? I shouldn't have this bad feeling in my stomach. It's a feeling I should never feel; the feeling of sadness… and misery. I want him back. I want him back so I can prove that I could be the perfect boyfriend for him. B-But I don't want to seem selfish. Judai is happy. Judai wanted this and now Judai probably couldn't be happier. That's what I want. I want Judai to be happy._

Johan looked up at the sky; a smile faded away as more tears trailed down his cheeks. The cloud that was up in the sky was…breaking. The heart…was breaking. Johan clutched his chest and stood up; a blank face on his expression for the very first time. Johan turned away and started walking away. As he walked away the cloud in the shape of a heart disappeared.

_I'm sorry I wasn't the person you wanted. B-But…I still love you._

**Flashback**

Johan and Judai laid in the soft bed of the green grass; wind blowing through their messy hair. They were giggling as they pointed up at the sky.

"Look Juuchan; that cloud is in the shape of a heart. That's so cute" Johan said as he excitedly pointed up in the sky. Judai's eyes lit up and giggled. "You're right Johsy-kun!!"

After a couple of moments the heart started disappearing and Judai pouted. "Johan-kun, the pretty cloud went bye bye. That's not fair." Judai pouted and sniffed sadly. Johan smiled playfully loving the childish way Judai acted. There was a silence.

"Ya know, Judai-chan…That's the difference between my heart and the cloud that is in the shape of a heart…" Johan stated; making Judai blink in confusion.

Johan turned over to his side and held Judai's face; brushing a strand of hair out of Judai's child-looking face. "Juuchan…When you're near me my heart will never break…and my love for you would never disappear." Johan whispered making Judai smile lovingly.

"J-Johan-kun…"

**Flashback End**

_It's true; Judai-chan…My love for you would never cease to exist. _

**OWARI**


	3. Perfect Fit

Author- ME

**Author-** ME!!

**Anime-** Yugioh GX

**A.N.-** Another chapter up. This is my first time doing Shou's POV EVER; so I hope it isn't THAT suckish. I hope you like it.

**Disclaimer-** I DO NOT OWN YUGIOH GX AT ALL SO GET OVER IT!!

**Chapter 3-** Perfect Fit

It was a little early in the evening; around 7:00 to be exact. The sky still had a beautiful mixture of purple, blue and pink; making the sight of a beautiful sunset you can only remember in real life and not only in a picture. Shou Marufuji was sitting on his queen sized bed leaning against the pillow; having a small photo album on his lap. He smiled slightly at all the memories that are kept in that small little book; some good, some bad, some worth deserving to be remembered. The picture he was dazing off at was a picture of him and his former lover Manjyome Thunder. Their hands were held together; their feminine fingers intertwined. Shou was leaning against Manjyome while Manjyome held Shou's waist with the other hand.

_Manjyome-kun…We were so happy weren't we..? Even if we didn't start off on a good note; we were supposed to end off in a great respect for each other. B-But we did the total opposite. _

It's true; Manjyome and Shou never really got a long when they first met. They were never really a pairing that you would see everyday but as time went on their attraction for each other greatly increased. Manjyome would always make fun of him; making snide remarks about him never living up to the legend of his hot older brother. Shou would always feel terrible about himself; but Manjyome would always make him feel better by sneaking him a stubborn kiss.

_Manjyome-kun, you were so silly. You would always make me feel better by giving me the sweetest kisses anyone can ever give. I-I always loved those kisses; they made me fee so fuzzy and lovey. Oh, Manjyome-kun I loved you so much._

Shou brushed a strand of hair out of his pretty face and trailed a finger over Manjyome's face on the picture. He still smiled lovingly. That day was so wonderful. It was the best day Shou can ever go through. It was a day unexpected; the day Manjyome was extra nice to him and…the day Manjyome asked him out through a simple childish letter. Manjyome's expression was a mixture of stubbornness and embarrassment; with a teaspoon of hidden hope. Shou was so happy; tears of joy fell down his face at that moment.

_W-What happened with us, Manjyome-kun? What made us feel that we c-couldn't be together? I-I…remember the way you asked me out. I felt so happy. I felt like nothing can ever hurt me. I felt warm and safe when you held me in your arms that day._

Shou clenched his small hands together; trying his best not to tremble. They didn't go out for a long time; but it was long enough for Shou to be slightly confident in his relationship with Manjyome. Ever since Manjyome asked him out Shou felt nothing but happiness; nothing but joy and love. A smile would never fade away on his small childish face. Manjyome treated him like the angel Shou was. The way they kissed were the sweetest kisses; both of them savoring the sweet tastes of each other's lips. Shou slowly took the picture out of the small photo album and held it between his small fingers.

_Our hands…they fit together perfectly; like a puzzle. When he held me I felt like we were perfect for each other…I felt like I fit so perfectly into his arms. He would always hold my hand…a-and kiss my hands; treating me l-like I always wanted to be treated._

Shou held the picture tightly; never letting it escape his grasp. His hands were now trembling and his blue strand of soft hair were covering his beautiful silver, innocent eyes. Shou remembered all the sweet things Manjyome would say to him and ONLY him. Manjyome would say these things with the sweetest glisten in his eye; the softest grasp when they held hands. The sweetest kiss they would share after he said those things.

_What you said to me Manjyome-kun…were the real..? Did you mean every word you said to me…or was it all a lie..? W-Was it all a game to you..? Was I always the pathetic loser you saw..? Or was I different..?_

Shou silver eyes were blank; with a hint of emotion. Shou was hurt so many times in his life there was too many to count. But that moment he and Manjyome broke up with each other; the feeling of betrayal and loneliness increased. Shou can never forget the words Manjyome said in that very moment.

**Shou-chan…we…should just take a break; take a long break. We haven't seen each other since that whole incident with Yusuke; plus you're just so wrapped up in your brother we hardly had any time together. It's best for me and you to just take a break.**

Though Shou said that the feeling was mutual; he felt the exact opposite. He never wanted to break up with Manjyome and he never wanted to be so wrapped up in his brother; if anything he wanted to try and fix things.

_I really thought that you wanted nothing to do with me. I thought you really hated me at that moment. You seemed really angry; really upset. I thought something wrong._

At that moment Manjyome's expression was filled with carelessness, and anger; Shou really thought that Manjyome wanted nothing to do with him anymore. At that moment Shou smiled sadly and said that he thought it was the right thing to do; that it was best for each other. The words Manjyome said after were the most hurtful words Manjyome would ever say to Shou.

**Listen; w-we had our fun…We had our moments; but in reality…they were nothing but moments. I-I don't even think we should be together; we're complete opposites. I-I love you Shou-chan…but I just can't deal with you anymore. I just can't deal with the fact you're going your separate way.**

_I-I never know…I-I never knew that you didn't want to deal with me that much. I-I can't believe that you thought we wouldn't last. I thought we wouldn't last either; but at least…I was hopeful... At least I wanted to try._

Shou's eyes were already filled with fresh tears; the picture was already covered in the tears that fell long before the words Manjyome said crossed his mind. Whimpering and sobs escaped his lips; trying desperately to be held in but failing miserably. Shou clenched his teeth together. He held the picture tight in his hands; almost as if he is going to rip it but obviously didn't. More of Manjyome cold words rang through his head.

**We're going our separate ways now. I wouldn't stand the fact that we're hardly going to see each other. If we aren't seeing each other much now imagine how we'll be in the Pro Leagues. It won't last…its just better that we forget these stupid and useless feeling we once had for each other. **

_W-Why? Why am I always getting hurt? What do I do wrong? A-All I want is someone to love me…someone to truly love me; someone to say that they love me and truly mean it…W-Why do I always have to have my heart broken? _

**It was fun while it lasted Shou-chan. I love you…b-but…I can't be with you. I can't be with you when I know keeping you is going to involve problems.**

Shou slowly placed the picture back in the photo album; placing the small book in his drawer and laid back on the bed. He was sobbing. He cried almost every other night. He never wanted to let the love of his life go. He never wanted to lose Manjyome. However, he thought that it was best for him and Manjyome.

_I-It might have been the best for you Manjyome-kun; b-but it was far from best with me._

**Flashback **

Manjyome held Shou tightly against his chest; kissing his forehead after brushing a strand of hair out of Shou's face. Shou smiled up at him; his cheeks turning into a light pink shade and giggled.

"Manjyome-kun…why are you suddenly acting so lovey with me today…?" Shou asked as Manjyome kissed his small hand. Manjyome responded with a smile and held Shou's hand tightly within his own; never letting it go.

"Angel-chan…we're perfect for each other." Manjyome said suddenly, making the small bluenette blush insanely. Shou looked down shyly as his eyes were glistening.

"W-Why do you say that, Manjyome-kun?" Shou asked, feeling curious and eagerly awaiting his answer. Manjyome slowly intertwined their fingers.

"Because we fit together…our hands…our hugs... You fit perfectly in my arms. We fit each other perfectly like a puzzle…" Manjyome said without having to think about it. Shou eyes widened as he looked up at him. "Like a puzzle..?" Shou asked cutely.

"But even if we didn't fit; you would always be perfect for me" Manjyome said immediately following a sweet kiss to take away Shou's shyness and slight shock. A kiss was that slightly sweeter than the other kisses.

**Flashback End**

_Manjyome-kun…I wish I was perfect for you…M-Maybe then you wouldn't have been bored with me…_

**OWARI**


	4. Bleed Away the Pain

**Author-** Me

**Couple-** Manjyome x Shou

**Disclaimer**- I DO NOT OWN YUGIOH GX!! I wish I did.

**A.N.-** I have to increase the rating due to this chapter. If you are easily disgusted by the thought of blood, or scars or self mutilation do not read.

**Warnings-** THIS CHAPTER INCLUDES SELF MUTILATION MEANING THE PERSON WILL BE **CUTTING **HIMSELF AND HE WILL BE BLEEDING. DO NOT READ IF YOU ARE VERY SENSTIVE TO THAT.

**Bold- Shou  
**_Italics- Manjyome's POV_

**Chapter 4- **Bleed Away the Pain

Manjyome Thunder was sitting in the corner of his room near his bed; as the black sheets fall limply on the side of the bed that has not been made in quite some time now. The room was dark; light coming from one dim light bulb. Manjyome liked it this way; dark, quiet, no one to disturb him. Manjyome sat there with his hair covering his expression playing with the chains that were attached to his tight black jeans; calming himself to the soft jingle the chains made.

_I regret it…I regret everything…Everything I said to him and…everything I did to him. How can I be that fucking dense? How can I be that fucking heartless and cold to him?_

It's been about a year since the breakup between him and Shou Marufuji. The time they broke up was their six month anniversary of being together; which was now the anniversary of their breakup. What another wonderful thing to celebrate. Manjyome and Shou haven't been going out for very long; but long enough to start developing serious feelings. Sure they fell in love fast; but this time they both felt like were relieved. Relieved to finally found someone to love; someone to settle on and someone to comfort or be comforted.

_I was so mean to him in the beginning and I was just starting to be nice to him. I-I…was starting to treat him like the angel he was. I was treating him the way he was supposed to be treated_

It's true; Manjyome and Shou had very bad experiences with people and very bad experiences when it comes to opening up to someone. Shou seemed to open up so easy; the problem was he chose some of the wrong people to open up to in his past. Manjyome seemed to be impossible; it wasn't easy for him to open up to people. He was hurt a lot in his past as well. Every person he opened up to ended up being two-faced or just left him; ignoring every attempt he made to make up with them. After a while in his life he just stopped; stopped talking to people, stopped opening up to people. He just stopped caring about himself.

_Me and Shou; we're so much a like. We're compared to our brothers, it's hard for us to open up easily…We had such a bad past. Though we were opposites; w-we…were so compatible. _

Manjyome and Shou were total opposites. Manjyome was cold, mean, heartless; can care less of another persons well being. If you got hurt and started whining about nothing he would just tell you to get the fuck over it. Shou was more caring and pure; more innocent and cared about others even when others don't seem to care about him. Every time Shou would get hurt by someone he would immediately smile (a sad smile) and say that it was ok; say that he forgave them (apologizing if he did anything wrong).

_I fell in love with him. I fell in love with him the moment he looked up to me, with those innocent eyes…H-He was so innocent; so pure…and he never wanted to hurt anyone. No matter how many people hurt him; he still found some good in them and…forgave them so easily…Forgave me…so easily._

Manjyome remembered the morning he woke up; the day he was going to suggest breaking up with Shou. The sun was shining brightly upon his pretty face; the only source of light in his dark room. He remembered how much his heart hurt; how much he ached on the inside and out. In that morning Manjyome looked around staring at all the pictures on his dresser; pictures of him and Shou (pictures Fubuki took because he was so excited about Ryo's little brother finally having a boyfriend). He remembered holding the picture tightly in his hands; having tears falling onto the plastic and sliding down the surface.

_Shou-chan…I never wanted it to end this way. I-I never wanted this to happen. I-I can't take the feeling of not having you with me…But…you're better off without me. You don't need someone like me in your life._

Manjyome leaned against the wall; his head resting back against the flat surface. He held something tightly in his feminine hands; something that was precious and dear to him…just like Shou. His fingers started trailing around the necklace that he bought; the white gold necklace was half of a broken heart and had Shou's name engraved in it with a pink diamond above his name. His finger trailed over Shou's engraved name; the name that quickly escaped Manjyome's lips soon after.

_I'm so sick of this. I'm sick of tired of getting hurt…I'm sick and tired hurting…the people I love. I'm sick and tired of hurting…Shou-chan. I fucked it up with him. I-I…just should have never gotten close to him. We were better off saying goodbye._

Manjyome held the necklace tightly in his hand. He made a slight whimpering noise; a cry of pain. Ever since him and Shou broke up Manjyome has been feeling nothing; he's been numb. His heart would hurt for a while then it would feel like he wasn't feeling anything at all.

_I should just stay like this forever. Its better off that I don't feel anything; that way I don't have the satisfaction of what it's like to love…what it's like to be loved. I don't ever want to love again._

Manjyome slowly loosened his grip on the necklace and slowly let it go; the necklace making a slight "click" when it hit the floor. Manjyome slowly looked at his hand; slowly starting to pull off the black fingerless gloves he had on. His expression was anything but full of emotion. As he stared at his wrist a memory flashed in his mind. The moment he and Shou broke up. He can still hear the sweet angelic voice. He can still remember that sweet expression Shou showed on his face.

**Manjyome-kun…I've been thinking the same thing. We've been so caught up with ourselves we barely have time with each other. I have been wrapped up in my brother; trying to make sure he's ok. I'm…sorry.**

Shou's had a smile on his face but his eyes showed a different type of emotion. His beautiful silver eyes were filled with hurt; filled with sadness. Manjyome didn't realize until now that Shou's feelings were being shattered apart by every sentence they both said; every word. Shou was falling apart right in front of Manjyome's eyes.

_Shou-chan…I've never seen such a look in your eyes. I've never seen such a sad emotion on your beautiful face…I'm the fucking jerk that made you have such a terrible look on your face._

**I know what we had was probably stupid. I-I knew it wasn't going to last. I was hoping it would but…who was I kidding? I should have known that we weren't going to work out. B-but it still doesn't change how I feel. **

Manjyome blankly stared at his bear wrists. One of his hands slowly trailed a finger over his other wrist; trailing it down a developing scar. Manjyome has been known to cut himself. He's been known to cut himself when he was feeling sad or betrayed. But this time he was cutting himself because he was numb. He was numb but he wanted to know if he can feel; cutting himself was a way to know it he can still feel something. Sometimes it hurt; sometimes it didn't. The pain on his wrist was bearable; the pain in his heart wasn't.

_I haven't cut myself in a while but ever since me and Shou broke up; I've returned to old habits. It's not a good habit but it's the only comfort I had. The only time I've never cut myself was when…Shou and I were together._

Manjyome slowly reached on his drawer and held a small object; the object was shiny and metal. He gently held the razor in between his fingers feeling the coolness of the surface. His face was blank; his eyes were emotionless. He slowly held the blade of the razor on his wrist; his hand starting to tremble slightly.

**Manjyome-kun…I-I know you probably think the relationship we had was nothing; but I thought it was special…You're the first person I really fell in love with; and I'll always love you. **

_Why…Why would you love me? What do you love about me? I am nothing…Nothing but crap. I don't deserve an angel's love._

**I know you probably think I'm pathetic…b-but I can't help it. I-I'm pathetic and I know you probably want nothing to do with me now…I'm sorry. But…I want you to know…that it wasn't your fault. I-I don't want you to feel bad for someone like me…Manjyome-kun…**

Manjyome slowly applied pressure to the blade on his soft skin; blood trailing down from the small incision. He slowly started to lightly cut across his wrist; more blood escaped his small cut and soon started dripping down onto his pants. The cut hurt but Manjyome didn't feel it; even though he wanted to. He wanted to feel the pain he so rightfully deserved. He wanted to feel the pain Shou felt in a more drastic way ever. When Manjyome thought he deserved enough he dropped the blade and held onto his wrist tightly; blood covering of his fingers. This cut wasn't life threatening but it was close to it. Manjyome knew he didn't deserve death; he knew he didn't deserve life. He didn't deserve anything to make him happy.

_I don't deserve you Shou-chan; but I wish I still had you with me…so I can know what it feels like to love._

**Flashback**

It was close to their six month anniversary and Manjyome was planning something special. He was planning to go on a cute little date with Shou; take him to all the beautiful places on the island (places Manjyome would only go to on his own when he felt like being alone).

"Manjyome-kun!! What's this surprise you're going on about? I want to know!" Shou said having a slight hint of curiosity in his cute voice. Manjyome smiled and held his face kisses his forehead.

"I told you, Angel-chan, it's a surprise. If I told you what it was then it wouldn't be a surprise now would it…?" Manjyome said; almost teasingly. Shou pouted and sighed. He smiled up at Manjyome and shyly placed his hands on Manjyome's chest.

"I don't want anything though, Manjyome-kun…You are what I want. That's all I can ask for. I don't want to be any trouble for you." Shou said shyly as he looked down. Manjyome smiled and lifted his chin.

"Shou-chan…I'm doing this so I could prove…how much I love you and how much I want to do to earn the love I rightfully don't deserve." Manjyome said having such a serious expression on his face. Shou's eyes widened and gasped when Manjyome said such words. Shou was about to speak; but was cut off with a small love filled kiss Manjyome gave him.

Little did they know their anniversary was going to be filled with anything _but_ happiness.

**Flashback End**

_I did the exact opposite. I proved that I deserve nothing but pain and misery; nothing will make up for the pain I left him._

**OWARI**


End file.
